Top 10 Types of Facebook/ Twitter Updates

Tweets, Facebook updates, LinkedIn updates… The pressure to answer that ‘what are you doing?’ seems to have afflicted all of us. Am sure your daily newsfeed is full of such updates, some that you enjoy, some that annoy and some that you just want to hide. Thought it would be good to categorize these (am guilty of some of these myself). You can share any that I have missed! And hey, don’t get offended. Chill.

1. The Location Flogger:
This person got onto Foursquare and got all excited, so linked everything to the Foursquare account. Now you know where this person is on a second to second basis. “AW checked into his own office” every morning, no doubt that’s where you should be… “at the international airport”… “at the shady bar down the street”… “In the 8th floor loo”… There isn’t a place the person hasn’t checked in. And soon become the ‘Mayor of random roadside streetlight”. Unless one is trying to establish an alibi for a murder investigation, it’s hard to see why every check-in is news-worthy.

2. The Self-Conversationalist:
This person believes that the way to talk to oneself is through the update. So the updates will be incomprehensible to anyone else. “JM said I rock in MZY 5 years ago & I think I am still the goddess of FGJKTY” Say what?! Who’s JM? What’s FGJKTY? You will never know even if you ask. You’ll probably get a smiley in response.
Or there will be something supposedly intriguing like “can’t stop smiling” to which some unsuspecting friend will say ‘I think I know why’ & the response will be “you think you know but I know you really don’t 🙂 🙂 🙂” at which point said friend will give up, as will everyone else. Until it’s repeated.

3. The Apportunist:
If an app has launched, it must be tried, & must be allowed to keep updating the status for everything possible that’s inane. Who’s my celebrity lover, what animal cub am I, dhongibaba ki bhavishyavani, boredville, flutopia, crystalballfengshuihorroscopetarotparrotiser, there isn’t a thing that hasn’t been tried and broadcasted and invites sent out for. In fact there are no updates of any other kind. The newsfeed is full of farms, animals, restaurants, wars, zoos.

4. The Self-Promoter:
Whether this person was featured in page 16, bottom-most corner buried beneath articles like ‘experts say exercise leads to weight loss’ & got exactly 5 words or whether this person’s tweet wishing Mallika happy birthday was randomly picked by Bombay Times as ‘Fans wish Mallika’, you will know about it. And not through the element of surprise either! This will be updated across Facebook, LinkedIn & Twitter so you don’t have a hope in hell of missing it. This will continue for any of the 15 bytes of fame this person gets.

5. The (Non-stop) Commentator:
This person wants everyone to know about everything that’s happening around him/ her, no matter how interesting (not). “f***ing traffic crawling at a snail’s pace”, “frequent flyer lounge seems to be less crowded today”, “guy next to me in the train is looking over my shoulder as I type this”, “there are crows kawing outside”, “driving, car next to me playing munni badnaam, it rockz!”, “Monday is here again”… No matter how innocuous, it will be shared.

6. The Ranter:
This person uses the status update as a venting machine. Whether it’s a product that isn’t liked or the GPRS has gone off or the Blackberry is hung or the favourite team is losing the game or the boss left early and he/ she’s staying late or the tea in office is bad… You get the drift. Everything sucks, or is #fail. In fact they are also most likely also say “my job sucks” when everyone including the boss can read it. You really want to tell them to calm down for fear of them suffering from blood pressure or heart ailments.

7. The Armchair Activist/ Critic:
A close cousin of The Ranter, this person could solve all the problems of the world, if he/ she were not tweeting or facebooking. Too bad they are too busy doing all this so they can’t run the country. “What was the govt thinking” “no other solution to inflation worries except…” “nothing in this country will ever work when so- and- so is minister”, “Kashmir issue can be easily solved if we…”, ” what was Chidu thinking”… No doubt there maybe some valid point, but constantly putting it up here isn’t going to change anything, is it?

8. The Quoter/ World Peace Finder:
Believes that he/ she can change the world either by quoting something deeply philosophical or spiritual or by writing messages about loving your brothers & sisters. “Let us pray together, I will pray for everyone’s happiness” “start your day with a smile & pass it onto strangers till it comes back to you”. The Quoter finds a famous phrase and shares it everyday, many times forgetting to give credit to the original creator, & amassing ‘likes’/ retweets with comments such as ‘wonderful’, ‘lovely’, conveniently pocketing praise for something someone said 200 years ago.

9. The Incomprehensible:
“lyf rockzzz n den getz u kut in peesez”. Self explanatory, right?

10. The Joker:
Funny guy with a great knack for punning and for finding the funny in everyday life. These updates are a laugh- riot and non-stop entertainment. Needless to say these are popular and appreciated and people look forward to them to brighten up their day.

Note: Any resemblance to person or persons is coincidental (or not)

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  1. That just about covers most of them.
    You might want to consider the “Compulsive Linkers”. These people have more than half their tweets/posts as links.

    The smarter people mix their delivery well and if you break it down, you’ll find a good mix of the above types in a single person.

    I was also going to add “Attention Seeker” to the list, but then, that’s just a cross between the “Self Promoter” and the “Self Conversationalist”.

      • Namrata B
      • September 30th, 2010

      hey @prolificd thanks for visiting 🙂 yes, you are right, i could add the Linkers for sure. Thanks, will do. I also feel like adding Drama Queen. Also see a lot of that.

    • rachit
    • October 7th, 2010

    http://images.fastcompany.com/upload/facebook2-620.jpg?ref=nf

    And here are various types of fb pics and what they mean.. 🙂

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