What I would say to my mother, but can’t

This has been on my mind for a while. My mother has dementia. While she does recognise me by face, she doesn’t know my name most of the time & we cannot have a real conversation.

I have been thinking about all the things I wish I could say to still her but can’t since she can no longer understand most of it..

1. I Love You.

2. When you said, eat all your vegetables… you were right. I even eat karela now. I eat everything you ever tried to make me eat, with no fuss.

3. When you said that you believe in me & that you know I will make my own path in life… you gave me strength. And still do.

4. When I got upset over something & reacted with irritation & anger, I know how bad you felt & I am sorry every single day for all those times. Because now even sorry doesn’t mean anything to you.

5. If I was in your place, and you were in mine, I know you would have done much more for me, than I am right now, with my best efforts. That’s what makes you so amazing.

6. I don’t think I will be half as inspiring to anyone as you are to me.

7. No one will ever love me the way you do. Everyday, you see me and smile and hold my hand. & that’s enough.

8. There are times when I wish you could comfort me and wipe away my tears. Then I realise that I don’t even know when you are sad now.

And a million other unsaid things. I love you, mom.

I can’t complete this post anymore.

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  1. very touching…. I hope you have all the strength you need to keep you smiling everyday !!

      • Namrata B
      • September 16th, 2011

      hi Madhu, thanks for visiting my blog and reading & appreciating the post. yes, i do ensure i smile everyday πŸ™‚

    • angelasoelzerragosa
    • September 16th, 2011

    I understand what you’re going through, Last February I lost my Dad to alzheimers & cancer… It was so tough to see his mental capacity diminish although he was able to recognize me until the day he passed and for this I am so incredibly blessed and grateful for…It’s so hard I know. Losing my Dad was too much for my Mother and she too passed away 5 months later. I miss them both so much. The human brain is a miraculous machine and I bet there are times that your Mom does recognize you although she may be unable to voice it. I wish you & your Mom all the best and feel this is a beautiful tribute to how much you love her… Take care of yourself. πŸ™‚

      • Namrata B
      • September 16th, 2011

      Thank you for reading Angela. Sorry to hear about your dad &mum, I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you. Yes, I do think my mom knows who I am, though she may not be able to call me by name on her own. It was quite difficult for me to put this up because this is too close to me. But I know there are so many of us out there experiencing the same thing. I love your blog, all the slices of life you have put together πŸ™‚

        • angelasoelzerragosa
        • September 16th, 2011

        Thanks so much Namrata for your support and commenting on my blog. I’ll be hoping and wishing all the best for you. Continue to stay strong and take some time out just for you. πŸ™‚
        Angela

    • sapna nair
    • September 16th, 2011

    got teary eyed, nams. may you have the strength to do everything for her. mom’s touch means so much more to me nw

      • Namrata B
      • September 16th, 2011

      πŸ™‚ thanks sapna

  2. There is this places called Animal Angels Foundation in Andheri that uses Pet Therapy for people. You want to try that out?

    ~Peace and Love
    Sneha

      • Namrata B
      • September 17th, 2011

      Hi Sneha! Thanks a ton, I will definitely check on this.

    • prashant
    • September 18th, 2011

    U doing great keep it up
    One thing sure I salute ur mom for is giving u the sanskars to do what u r doing, many of our generation even don’t bother to call their parents its sad but its true….

    May god give u the strength to keep do what u r doing

    God bless u
    I salute u

      • Namrata B
      • September 18th, 2011

      Oho pz πŸ™‚

    • tm
    • September 18th, 2011

    oh ballu. oh.

      • Namrata B
      • September 18th, 2011

      Wrote it a while back, just didn’t post it until now.

    • Preeti Baindur-Nadgar
    • September 18th, 2011

    Thank you for sharing. She sounds like an amazing mother, and she is lucky to have you. A beautiful, courageous piece straight from the heart. Love, Preeti

      • Namrata B
      • September 18th, 2011

      Thanks Preeti πŸ™‚

  3. Heart touching piece, Nams! I didn’t know about this till I read your post. I am really sorry to know about your mom’s condition. May God give you all the strength and courage to be by her side and look after her.

      • Namrata B
      • September 19th, 2011

      thanks sals πŸ™‚

    • adasd
    • September 19th, 2011

    You know what, if you’re mum would write a blog with the same title, she would say how lucky she is to have a kid like you. And so agree with point no 5. It’s amazing how awesome mothers are!

    πŸ™‚

      • Namrata B
      • September 19th, 2011

      how nice of you to say so. thanks for reading and appreciating!

  4. A wonderful heartfelt post. Moving.

      • Namrata B
      • November 28th, 2011

      Hi fredrik,
      Thanks so much for reading and appreciating.

  5. Very moving and inspiring. Your Mom would surely be very proud of you.

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