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What I would say to my mother, but can’t

This has been on my mind for a while. My mother has dementia. While she does recognise me by face, she doesn’t know my name most of the time & we cannot have a real conversation.

I have been thinking about all the things I wish I could say to still her but can’t since she can no longer understand most of it..

1. I Love You.

2. When you said, eat all your vegetables… you were right. I even eat karela now. I eat everything you ever tried to make me eat, with no fuss.

3. When you said that you believe in me & that you know I will make my own path in life… you gave me strength. And still do.

4. When I got upset over something & reacted with irritation & anger, I know how bad you felt & I am sorry every single day for all those times. Because now even sorry doesn’t mean anything to you.

5. If I was in your place, and you were in mine, I know you would have done much more for me, than I am right now, with my best efforts. That’s what makes you so amazing.

6. I don’t think I will be half as inspiring to anyone as you are to me.

7. No one will ever love me the way you do. Everyday, you see me and smile and hold my hand. & that’s enough.

8. There are times when I wish you could comfort me and wipe away my tears. Then I realise that I don’t even know when you are sad now.

And a million other unsaid things. I love you, mom.

I can’t complete this post anymore.

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